You know you’re pregnant when… you leave the house wearing your super pretty new red heels, thinking you look all New York City pregnant chic only to discover hours later that your new jeans still have the sticker attached to the back of the leg. Awesome!
You know you’ve got major baby brain when… you forget small things, like leaving the house without running the stick of deodorant along your underarms, or when you repeat something you’ve said two seconds ago without realizing you even said it, or when you rely on strangers to run up and close your gas cap for you before driving out of the station, and then you forget major things too, precious things, like an evening date with your nephews, that you would never have forgotten pre-pregnancy.
You know you’ve hit a new pregnancy low when… you can no longer buckle up your own shoes because you’ve got a watermelon-sized, uncomfortable belly in your way, and require Big Ring to do the honours… he swears this pregnancy has me reverting in age. First I can’t seem to get through a meal without spilling food onto the floor, now I can’t buckle up my own shoes, what’s next?
You know you’ve instilled pre-parenting fear into your husband when… he’s looking at old photos of you with a horrified look on his face, not because you had major fashion issues (which I did) or because you went through a really bad corn row phase (which I did) or because in one picture you looked like you belonged on the anorexic ward, and in another you looked like you belonged to overeaters anonymous (both of which I did), but because of the way you held the most precious beings in your life – and then proceeds to ask, with genuine concern shadowing his tone: “You’re not gonna pretend thumb-sucking alien baby is the Lion King or dress thumb-sucking alien baby in cabbage patch kids clothes are you? Are you?”
It’s no wonder my cats opted to run into the jaws of coyotes over the “safety” of my childhood home
28 weeks: hakuna matata was first published June 28, 2012.