Word to the wise

Dear friends, if the sound of your lungs are anywhere near resembling the exhaust system of a 1980 Honda Civic, I have some words of advice for you that may or may not have come from first-hand knowledge:

1. Avoid carrots at all costs. While these orange Bugs Bunny favs are nutritional heros on many fronts, chocker block full of Vitamins B, C, D and E, they’re also your friend’s, your co-workers, your acquaintance’s, and even random stranger’s worst nightmare. Unless these suckers are coming from a jar of baby food (and really, do you want to go there?) they’re going to be spewing right back up and out for at least a good hour after every time you have a hacking attack.

2. Ahh oranges, their citrus Vitamin C goodness must be the perfect cold remedy right? Wrong. Imagine yourself three days straight coughing, and not just a wimpy eh-eh cough, a full-blown, abs feel like they’ve gone a round with a boxing kangaroo, three quarters of a lung puked-up cough. Now, feel the juice of that orange squirting straight at your angry, raw, fire-engine-red uvula. Are you screaming, because I sure as heck was.

3. If the stop hand is flashing at the crosswalk, just stop already. Do not try and beat the light, because just like that worn-out, blue exhaust spewing Honda Civic, you won’t make it! You’ve been in bed for three days, you could barely stand up for longer than a few minutes yesterday, and now you think you’re gonna be able to run across the street before the car makes it through the light? Really? Yeah no. Not going to happen. Unless you want to be splat on the pavement, wait.

Any more tips of advice/things to avoid for us lung hackers out there?

Today is Day 5 of the cold from hell, and while I still sound like I’m being taken by the consumption, I do believe I’m on the mend. The stuffed nose is gone, the headache is gone, the body aches (aside from the strained abs) are gone. All that remains is the irritating cough, but I’m hoping by tomorrow that sucker will be gone too, and then I can be back on the bike and in the pool and at the pilates studio … and maybe my sneakers might even be able to hit some pavement too. Fingers crossed.

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