It’s not like it should have come as a surprise, but it did, and my gawd, it scared the freaking bejesus out of me.
Last night I woke up in a panic. I couldn’t find Little Ring, I thought I’d fallen asleep with him on my chest, but he wasn’t there. I started frantically overturning my fortress of pillows, so sure I was suffocating my boy underneath. I shook Big Ring awake, I needed help, but I couldn’t get the words out, my tongue was twisted, my body was shaking, I had a fountain of sweat coming down from my forehead. On the verge of tears, I lifted my dead weight of a body up, and desperately shot my eyes over to the bassinet – where my sweet boy was sleeping ever so peacefully.
I hadn’t yet clued into what was going on, but Big Ring had. Not showing an ounce of the fear he was feeling, he calmly placed my glucometer in my hands. After two failed attempts at trying to test, I finally managed to get the screen to countdown. After five seconds, a frightening 1.9 glowed in the dark of the night. Holy crap, where the hell did that come from?
In my rebellious teenage and early adult years that number wouldn’t have been overly shocking. I had many of those, almost always in the middle of the night, and almost always resulting in a siren-clad trip to the ER. But these days, those numbers are not common place, I’m not used to those kinds of lows – especially in the middle of the night.
And yet, two nights in a row now, I’ve experienced those nasty lows, although last night’s was 5,000 times worse than the previous night. And the scariest thing, I don’t know why, so I don’t know how to fix it … ahh, the nature of this unpredictable disease I carry. No matter how perfect you try to be, no matter how long you’re on the straight and narrow with it, it always finds a way to kick you, and then kick you some more when you’re already down. You don’t know when it will hit, you don’t know how hard it will hit, but you know it will hit.
For years, that part of diabetes irritated the heck out of my perfectionist ways, but now that I’ve got Little Ring in my life, it downright freaks the crap out of me. Needless to say, I was holding the boy ever so tight this morning.