Steel Magnolias? A remake? Are you freaking kidding me? Who in their right mind would go out of their way to remake that gawd awful flick? I mean, unless they were bullied by a diabetic, or had a nasty run-in with a gang of diabetics, or just have a plain ol hate on for us T-1s, there’s no plausible reason for putting this movie out on the shelves again.
Strong opinion on something seemingly small to the majority, you bet I do!
When Steel Magnolias was released in 1989, I was a young, impressionable, fairly newly diagnosed type 1. And let’s just say, it probably wasn’t the best film for me to be viewing at the time. Thanks to this movie, I spent a good part of my adolescence thinking I would be punished with kidney dialysis if I made one screw up with my disease (and believe me, I made a LOT of screw ups with Dear Diabetes). I also spent years thinking if I ever got knocked up, I’d be on a one-way train to the worlds six feet under. And even if I opted out of having little kidlets, there were still many days where I believed I wouldn’t graduate into adulthood because of my diabetes – thanks to this movie.
It was so bad, my moms sent me to counseling in my teenage years to help deflate my doomed diabetes anxieties. I mean, seriously, it’s not exactly the greatest feeling to think you’re doomed at any age, but my gawd to think it that young, not cool. And it wasn’t until my mid 20s, when I really took control of Dear Diabetes and started looking more into the disease and stopped listening to those without the disease, that I realized stupid Steel Magnolias was just another diabetes “know-it-all” bully.
And yet, even with that revelation in my back pocket, to this day, if I hear mention of Steel Magnolias, I cringe; if I see a glimpse of the Southern belles in that teased to the nth degree hair salon, I flip the channel in a shaken heartbeat; and when, earlier this week, I heard of the remake, I went into a rage.
It doesn’t matter how new, or how modern, or how supposedly more knowledgable a face you put on this flick, it will always be the movie that stole a chunk of my childhood. Not cool. Not cool at all.