Dear Insulin Pump,
Can you believe it’s already been three years, three months, and 72 days since we were first introduced? Wow! Remember back when I wanted nothing to do with you, I wouldn’t give you the time of day, didn’t even want to meet you, let alone be attached to you. I thought for sure you’d be more hindrance than improvement. But look at us now; we’re practically inseparable!
I love that you give me my daily insulin requirements, that you take the difficulties out of figuring out the carb-to-insulin math ratios, and that, over the years, you’ve become more stylish with your colours, going from boring black to flashy green. Essentially, you are the accessory I just can’t live without.
However, I do think it’s high time you change your style. Hey, hey, don’t look at me with those sad eyes, I love you pal, but everyone needs a little change now and again – just look at your friend Miss Apple – she’s pretty darn stylish these days don’t you think?
So Mr. Pump, just a few tweaks is all I’m asking. I mean seriously…
Why doesn’t the insulin pump… come in much smaller sizes? You’ve been mistaken for a pager, cell phone, mic, even a cigarette holder – are you kidding me! While it was totally awesome to be mistaken for a doctor last year with you latched onto the front pocket of my jeans, I’d much prefer a smaller partner in crime thank you very much.
If cell phones can go from this to that, why can’t insulin pumps?
Why doesn’t the insulin pump… have paging or texting or even photography capabilities? I mean, seriously, if they’re gonna be the size they are, they really should have some better perks. Sure, sure, you act as my pancreas and give me insulin every day, which is totally awesome, but come on, if I could go on a run with just you – and not have to bring along my cell phone for “just in case,” or if I could eliminate the need for a camera and cell phone in my purse, how much lighter would that be, how much more totally awesome would that be?
Why doesn’t the insulin pump… have downloadable alerts and tones like cell phones do? Because last week, when your alarm went off in the middle of that UFV talk to notify me I had less than 10 units left in the reservoir (oops!) I’m telling you it would have been way cooler to have been interrupted with the Game of Thrones theme song than a tune more akin to Leisure Suit Larry!
Why doesn’t the insulin pump… give me encouraging messages throughout the day like Nike+ or the RunKeeper app does for runners? Sometimes us diabetics, we need pick-me-ups too. And you know, if your screen started featuring boosting messages from say retired NHL star Curt Fraser, or Olympic marathoner Missy Foy, or pro-surfer Scott Dunton, or Mary Tyler Moore, or Jean Smart, hell, even a message from Nick Jonas would be pretty awesome… just not Halle Barry; I think she’s kind of crazy when it comes to diabetes!
Why doesn’t the insulin pump… use much more energy efficient, longer lasting, better for the environment (and for my wallet!!!) watch style batteries? I kid you not, for months now, I’ve been changing out your double AA battery every other week!
I’m not the kind of gal to take chances with battery power, as soon as I see the 3 bars on the display screen go down to 2, I’m changing that battery out with the next infusion change. You might think that’s a little overly cautious, but I tell you, when your pump runs out of juice – completely out of juice – when you’re on public transit, with no spare battery on your personage, and no convenience store in sight, nor a sanitary place to get it all changed up, you’d be somewhat paranoid too!
And here’s the thing, those double AA batteries, due to their continuous slow state of reacting (how’s that for chemistry 😉 ) are losing voltage long before you even purchase them, let alone, stick them into your pump! Doesn’t make sense.
That’s all for now, dear pump. If I think of anything else, I’ll be sure to let you know.