Diabetes frustration No. 5,061:
When I went on the insulin pump almost 5 years ago, my biggest fear was that I would forget to administer the insulin. Taking needles, you don’t forget. But pressing a button, that seemed all too easy to forget. And yet, for almost five years, I rarely, if ever, forgot – until this last month or so.
I don’t know what is wrong with me. I don’t know why I keep forgetting to take my insulin. But there’s something not clicking in my brain. I test my blood sugars. I calculate the carbs. But I don’t input them into my pump. Some weeks, it’s happening multiple times. What the fricking hell?
This is an issue, a major issue, I need insulin, I survive on insulin. Without it, my blood sugars go through the roof, my energy goes down the drain, and my attitude, let’s just say it’s a get out of my face if you know what’s good for you kind of attitude.
Friday evening, at about 8 p.m., just as I was about to start thinking about an evening snack, the F bombs started flying. Are you fricking kidding me? I forgot – again??? Unlike other times, this one had the potential for the worst no-bolus disaster.
I had a race Saturday morning.
My pre-race preparations are always calculated. The week leading up to a race, I am normally so careful about what I ingest, the types of runs/exercise I do in the week, how much sleep I get, the times I’m taking my insulin, and the insulin itself. The day before, those calculations are elevated even more, all mostly to ensure I have optimal blood sugars the day before, the night before, and the morning of a race.
But a missed bolus, in the evening, not remembering for two hours post dinner, not having much time at all for a correction and then no time for re-correction after they finally bottom out, which they inevitably do, is, oh what’s that word, a cluster freaking $%*#!!!
I’ve been stressed lately. I’ve had some major life changes. But for 27 years, it’s been me and Dear Diabetes. That doesn’t change just because life changes.
Race report coming in the next post…