I’ve said it before, and I don’t know how many more times I’ll have to say it, maybe forever. So please bear with me, because here we go again:
I will not, not now, not ever again, hide or disguise who I am – diabetes included.
As some of you know, there was a time in my life where I wasn’t comfortable with showing my diabetes. I wouldn’t test my blood sugars or take my insulin injections in front of people, and for one year, off and on, not at all. I would hide – in washrooms, behind buildings, bedrooms, my car – all for the comfortability of the people around me.
Doesn’t really sound like me does it?
It wasn’t always that way. Early in my diabetes days, I had no problems with it being a part of me; likely because for the first 3 years I was surrounded by an incredibly accepting peer group and school environment. But when I changed schools in Grade 7 everything changed.
That was the year I had pretty much a whole school hating me, taunting me, prank calling me, making my life the worst I believe it has ever been – no joke – all because of my diabetes. The reason, as told to my parent’s by one of the ringleader’s parents, was because I took needles in front of them. Ohmygawd! The horror! The horror!
I laugh and joke about it now, but that year spawned the next 13-14 years of me being in the closet with Dear Diabetes.
Ahhh, but alas, some in this world believe I should stay hidden. As evidenced today by my new biology prof, who for the most part I think I’m going to enjoy. He’s funny in an old English curmudgeonly way and he wears ugly sweaters well past Santa time! That’s solid. But he does have a personality glitch that had me shaking my head in somewhat disbelief.
Following class today I informed him of my diabetes, which I wouldn’t normally do, but because he’s all anti-technology in his class I figured I’d give him a heads up so he doesn’t accuse me of pulling out a tiny cell phone or a pager (been accused of that before) when testing my blood sugars.
He seemed cool about it and said if I needed to leave class to just let him know and there wouldn’t be a problem. I told him I wouldn’t need to leave. He said, well if you want a little privacy. I said, nope, I don’t need privacy. He said, “Well, you know, some people can be squeamish about blood…” Uh what?
YOU’RE IN BIOLOGY!!! Seriously, you dissect rats, you untangle a hairy web of regurgitated owl food, you’re dealing with all sorts of blood samples – how is a droplet of my blood worse than that??? Are you freaking kidding me?
I left the conversation making it clear I would not be leaving the class and essentially if others around me became squeamish with me sucking back that droplet like the good little vampire that I am, they could leave.
• 7:20 p.m. BG before: 7.7
• Carbs: 2 dried apricots (no bolus)
• Temp. basal: -50 per cent (1 hour)
• Workout: 5:00-4:30-4:00-3:30-3:00-2:30-2:00-1:30-1:00-:30 at 5 km goal pace (between 4:45 and 5:05 min/km) with 1:30 walk in between each
• Time: 56:27
• Distance: 9.2 km
• Average tempo pace: 4:42 min/km
• 8:30 p.m. BG after: 4.7
I felt really strong for this session of intervals from start to finish. But now I’ve got a massively tight calf muscle that has been screaming bloody murder for 24 hours now. Been rolling with The Stick and doing active downward facing dog… any other suggestions out there for loosening that sucker up?
Dear Heart: What an exquisitely, mind-blowing, contradictory person you are!! 🙂 Something I noticed about you right from the get-go. Somebody rubs you the wrong way, yet you can still think of a way to enjoy him and his Ugly Santa Sweaters!! 🙂
I am sure you will charm the pants – I mean the personality glitch – out of ol’ Professor Curmudgeon 🙂
Happy semester, and keep on enjoying your SELF!! 🙂
Aww, shucks. Blushing 😉
I don’t know if this was possibly fueled by my post about how I’ve come to really dislike showing off my betes. I’m sure it’s not but it’s uncanny.
I used to be like you, now I used to be like you. As in… I used to be loud and out there and never hiding and now I just want to lurk in the shadows. I don’t want to have THOSE conversations with people anymore. I don’t know what happened but something made me want to disappear.
I’m not at the point where I would go somewhere to test and inject. I still do it out in the open but I also do it discreetly now. Like, in my lap instead of on the table sort of thing. I time my bg tests and injections around when people aren’t gonna be at my desk. If i am going low I say nothing and wait for the meeting to end. But it’s also kind of become a game at work. Why? because in all my working life I’ve been ridiculed and i’m damn tired of it. Why do i seem to work with people who ridicule? I know it’s just jokes and just “fun” but when it’s years of it, it makes me go out of my way pretending to be “normal.”
Not sure I’ll ever be back where you are.
Nope it was fueled by the prof. I hear what you’re saying but i just cant be bothered making others feel better/more comfortable at my expense. Too much work and I’m far too lazy 😉 but as in everything diabetes, what works for me doesn’t necessarily work for others, and that’s okay.