Daily Archives: October 4, 2010

Getting my freak on

Okay, I am officially freaking out. My stomach is in knots, my throat is churning, my self-doubt is in overdrive. And I know, I know, I had this thing called a backup plan in the works, but when everyone else around me is filling up their taper down with at race pace runs, and I’m left stuck to the couch with my leg straight up in the air, compressed and iced to the nines, because I’m too damn chicken to go out for a run, how can I not be fretting in overdrive? Seriously? I know I’m not going out there looking for a super speedy time, but I did train for a 4:15, and now I look at that race pace pace and I think holy smokes how am I going to run that? Crud. Crud. Crud. Stupid knee!

On the upside, though, I’m not alone. I know I shouldn’t find happiness in other peoples’ terror, but it kind of makes it feel a little bit better … does that make me a horrible person? Case in point: My super duper favourite ironchickie friend, who is crazy amazing, and is competing in the Kona Ironman in Hawaii the day before my marathon, a race that she had to qualify for, and in qualifying totally kicked major ass at, and yet, she too is “terrified” about her upcoming race. And a little bit of the weight was just taken off my shoulders knowing that. Thanks Hilz 😀

I think for me it’s the head games, getting past the I don’t knows, the can I do its, and the holy craps. I try to boost myself up, but I think given that I’ve had all this added time on my hands this past week – something I haven’t had in months – it’s more time for me to dwell on the what ifs causing the freak out metre to go into overdrive. It also doesn’t help that I’m feeling a whole lot of phantom pains all throughout my body, my hips, ankles, legs, head, everywhere. And sorry moms, but your hippie glasses just aren’t doing the trick 😦

They're getting me into the REM state, but not taking the stress away. (For more information on the hippie glasses, click here)

Do you freak out before a race?